I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
