Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
