Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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