"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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