wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
