i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
