Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
