dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
