did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
