Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
