NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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