you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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