how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
