wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
