We're facebook friends in real life
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
