Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
