highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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