hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
