Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
