I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
