Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
