Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
