Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
