She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
