Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
