Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who died my cat blue again?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
