y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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