Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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