I think im going to throw up on grandma
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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