I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
