Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
from now on my penis is your penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
