I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex on a roof
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
