I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
