At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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