It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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