the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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