Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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