I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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