you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
