And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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