it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
