My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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