She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she smelled like a LAN party
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
