i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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