phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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