Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
