remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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