Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
