These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
