Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
