This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
