shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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